I still picture your affection
I still hear you like we're talkin' on the phone
I Still feel it
Like you're right there holdin' on to me
But words cannot explain
We will never be us again
Everything has changed
Or is that just you givin' up again?
More unnecessary pain
I would ask how we ended up here, but I drove
And you allowed me
Or maybe it's only me that remembers it
Cause you're so easily told about me
But not once while we were on that road did you doubt me
Played your position, writin' out our books
I noticed a page missin', blame it on the age difference
I see you in the club, now days you're resistant
You used to get excited just to never pay admission
Lookin' for the old you, wishin' shit was normal
Tried to mold you and you ended up with it on you
Live around the corner, yeah we ain't even formal
So I'm askin' God, why you alive and I gotta mourn you
Word, I see you got a little crew now
A bunch of ugly broke bitches I know better than
And I ain't tryna say them hoes usin' you
Well actually who would I be kiddin'? Yes I am
I see your life from far and something's off with it
It's my fault and shit, I shoulda never altered it
I sold a dream when you couldn't have known the cost of it
Knew my love came with a pain and I still offered it
Seein' your weight loss, knowin' I'm the cause of it
If that ain't my signature, then shit, somebody forgin' it
But you think I ain't hurt, like it ain't no guilt in me
Like it ain't killin' me, I'm out here on a killin' spree
A sickness, I ain't found a way to nurse it yet
Like I ain't a nervous wreck, like it's no reverse effect
Internal bleedin' and the cuts run deep
Every time I leave one love, a loved one leaves
I wish I could take the pain away, but only yours
I'll be fine if I remain this way
See I deserve whatever punishment I get
You could sentence me to years
Of hearin' my vic's voice even when nothin' is there
I still picture your affection
I still hear you like we're talkin' on the phone
Still feel it
Like you're right there holdin' on to me
But words cannot explain
We will never be us again
Everything has changed
Or is that just you givin' up again?
More unnecessary pain
I done gone so long not givin' a fuck
That it's no longer erratic, now it's a normal habit
Even when I go my way, I gotta have it
Bury me with my sweats on and bitches in the casket
All the waiters and words, I let 'em loom on
Every verse real enough to write it on my tombstone
And so you know how real that paranoia be
Even make me think my demise is avoidin' me
The sick part is I withstand that abuse
Long as the fans are amused, am I a man or a muse?
Never sugarcoat it when I hand it to the youth
Fell from all over the world, and always landed in the booth
I hold music in such a high regard that
To this day I still feel like it's destiny
And to these fans that I once gave my life for
I gotta tell you that it's not much left in me
Yeah, and not that it's growin' old
But years of bearin' my soul is takin' it's toll
Took a father from his son, but is it best that way?
I'm so fucked up inside I can't regret that Trey
Hold my head up high at the gates after my time's up
They say you saved somebody's life by givin' mine up
Wouldn't be the first time that I went without
Chased my true love so much that I resent it now
You can put this in the scriptures like it's sacred
To live with it, but hate it is to giveth then to take it
Goin' through the motions, it'll strip a nigga naked
I guess it's for a cause if all the kids are gonna play it
Trust me, I ain't been the same yet
You'll stop and stare any time you see a trainwreck
And I'll take whatever punishment they give
You can sentence me to years
Of hearin' that fan's voice even when nothin' is there
I still picture your affection
I still hear you like we're talkin' on the phone
Still feel it
Like you're right there holdin' on to me
But words cannot explain
We will never be us again
Everything has changed
Or is that just you givin' up again?
More unnecessary pain
Still learnin' to live with
People coming in and out my life
The ones who matter show it over time
That's why they always stay on my mind
So I live in reality
Nobody else matters to me but you, you, you
Why try to hide the truth?
I still picture your affection
I still hear you like we're talkin' on the phone
Still feel it
Like you're right there holdin' on to me
But words cannot explain
We will never be us again
Everything has changed
Or is that just you givin' up again?
More unnecessary pain
I'm tried of feeling this
I gotta live with this
Joe Budden, born Joseph Anthony Budden, is an American rapper, record producer, and radio personality born in New York in 1980. He began his music career in the early 2000s with his debut album "Joe Budden" (2003), which achieved moderate commercial success thanks to the single "Pump It Up". Throughout his career, Budden has collaborated with artists such as Jay-Z, Eminem, and Mariah Carey. He is known for his intricate rhymes and his direct and personal rap style. Besides music, Budden is also a popular radio host and podcaster, hosting the show "The Joe Budden Podcast", which covers musical, cultural, and social topics.
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