Hook:
Ich möchte euch jemand vorstellen - Herr Claasen/
Ihr werdet ihn lieben, über alle Maßen/
Ein freundlicher Nachbar, von dem keiner weiß wo er in der Nacht war/
Das ist Herr Claasen/
Vers 1:
Herr Claasen trägt einen Anzug von der Stange/
Als er klein war, trug er in seinem Mund eine Spange/
Sein lächeln ist aufrichtig und ehrlich/
Er ist harmlos und bieder und für niemand gefährlich/
Herr Claasen liebt seinen Garten und vor allem den Rasen/
Trimmt ihn mit der Nagelschere, als wär jeder Grashalm ein Nagel/
Er liebt Kinder, er schiebt Schnee in der Auffahrt im Winter/
Und hilft seinem Nachbarn - der ist gehbehindert/
Und er riecht sauber nach Seife, engagiert sich in der Nachbarschaftsstreife/
Es gab ein paar zerstochene Reifen/
Herr Claasen sitzt auf dem biederen Sofa/
In Fliederkrawatte und einem Fliederpullover/
Und Hauspantoffeln aus ausgestopften Kaninchen/
Gönnt er sich am Feierabend gerne ein Bierchen/
Hook: (x2)
Ich möchte euch jemand vorstellen - Herr Claasen/
Ihr werdet ihn lieben, über alle Maßen/
Ein freundlicher Nachbar, von dem keiner weiß wo er in der Nacht war/
Das ist Herr Claasen/
Vers 2:
Der kleine Hans Claasen, es begann/
Als er aus fun damit begann seinen Hasen zu vergasen/
Anstatt zu weinen war er fasziniert/
Mit einem Beil hat er die kleine Hasenleiche obduziert/
Und die Eingeweide waren warm und rot/
Seine Mutter tischte später Rote Beete auf, zum Abendbrot/
Er saß im Abendrot im Baumhaus/
Seit dem lebt er Axtschlag für Axtschlag sein Traum aus/
Und zum Leitwesen vieler Lebewesen/
Sind seine Leitbilder meist Killer, sodass sie als Leiche verwesen/
Seine Lieblingssendung ist jeden Sonntagabend Tatort/
Sein letztes Opfer hat er geschlagbohrt/
Das Schlagwort Mord hat einen süßlichen Klang/
Für Claasen, mit dessen Hasen alles begann/
Hook: (x2)
Ich möchte euch jemand vorstellen - Herr Claasen/
Ihr werdet ihn lieben, über alle Maßen/
Ein freundlicher Nachbar, von dem keiner weiß wo er in der Nacht war/
Das ist Herr Claasen/
Vers 3:
An einem sonnigen Tag, lockte er mit seiner wonnigen Art/
Eine mollige Frau an - sie starb in seinem Bad/
Peter war ein alter Schulkamerad/
Kam zu Claasen zu Besuch, an einem anderen Tag/
Herr Claasen machte Peter Hacke, dann aus Peter Hacke Peter/
Wenig später, als Peters Nacken nur ein Nackensteak war/
Lachte Herr Claasen: Mir hat nie sein Humor geschmeckt/
Und legte sich sein Ohr frittiert auf's Silberbesteck/
Die Lenden im Dialog mit Bambergerhörnchen/
An einer Weißweinsoße mit zerstampften Möhrchen/
Landen in seinem Magen,/
In Gedanken nennt er sein Rezept stolz ?Falschen Hasen, nach Art von Claasen?/
Jeden Tag eine Idee - was macht er heute?/
Er packt Pakete mit Medikamenten für alte Leute/
Darin ist eine Mischung von Schlafmittel und Antrax/
Du stirbst unter Qualen, wenn du es nur kurz in der Hand hast/
Im Supermarkt vertauscht er gern Konserven mit seinen Konserven - der Marke ?Claasen?/
An denen Käufer sterben/
Hook:
Ich möchte euch jemand vorstellen - Herr Claasen/
Ihr werdet ihn lieben, über alle Maßen/
Ein freundlicher Nachbar, von dem keiner weiß wo er in der Nacht war/
Das ist Herr Claasen
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