Look
They say the universe, it works in a strange way
And it must be true because, we ain't from the same background or same place
But me and Lesley ended up on that same train
I'm talking everyday, I used to wake up around seven or eight
To catch the 906 from Norbury Station
Two different worlds in the same location and-
One day we ended up speaking
And I would talk about college, she would talk about meetings
And how she's planning on leaving
How she hates what she does but she needs it
I asked her what she was doing, it's the weekend
And she said, she said
I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more
She used to be the life of the party for true
And now she going out hardly ever
Her man got her in the yard forever
And her friends wanna help but it's hard to tell her
Hard to let her know that her man's possessive and aggressive
And she can't even see it, but for them it's clear as day, she's in a situation
Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative
So, she could see it from a mile off
Turtleneck jumpers, makeup around the eye spots
All the signs were there
But Lesley made it seem a light affair
Said it wasn't right to share
Her boyfriend, he was a mystery man
I didn't know much about him, but he's been in the can
Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasoning
To be honest, I don't know what Les' sees in him
'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart
But they've both got demons and a deep past
You know opposites attract, apparently
I never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh
He was all that she had
Until they had an argument and he stopped calling her back
And I don't know if there was more to the story than that
'Cause she plays things down but according to that
He went missing one day in the morning he ran
She's doing overtime, struggling affording the flat
'Til she, lost her job it fucked all of her plans
Couldn't pay the rent, borrowing and calling for cash
But Hannah she was there for her, cared for her
When I saw Les' she told me
I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more
Les' saying, "I got nothing to live for
It's been raw, but David, I ain't never been this poor
There's no income, my boyfriend left me
So how the fuck am I going to survive when this kid's born?"
I said, "It's a blessing as mad as it is
And Les', I never even knew you were having a kid"
Bro, she's four months pregnant, young and neglected
Single but I don't think she wants to accept it
So she's still texting ex's trying to get this
Back on track but I don't think that she gets it
It's emotional obsession, clinical depression
Life is a lesson
And you ain't got to sit and cry
And Lesley, living in this gift called life
There's no better gift than the gift of life
So, can you handle it?
I don't know myself
I don't know myself no more
But that changed her perspective
Late in December, her baby's expected to drop
She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped
Only got to wait a few months
Her and Hannah had lunch
Told her she's pregnant
And they're the closest of bredrins
So she didn't stunt to tell her, I think that it's an error
You ain't a mum for a day, you're a mum forever
Whatever, and you and Jason break up whenever
If I'm honest that's something you should have done together
She doesn't know that her and Jason are going out again
And Jason doesn't know that Lesley's carrying a child for them
She had daydreams of settling down with Jason, better 'cause now they're together it's wild
Feeling like she needs to call her friends and tell 'em 'cause while she's letting him down but most of them are never around
She calls Hannah the next day
Still tryna figure out the best way to tell her that she's getting back together with an ex-flame
So she left her a voicemail
Like "Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back?
I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that
I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back
I used to be so fucking confident
But these days, I swear that-"
I don't know my self
I don't know myself no more
It's 3:30 Lesley was meant to get a scan
But today I think she's going home early
Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid
Addressing any reservations
Have that conversation
Middle of the summer and it's raining
Waiting at the train station
Hella cancellations
So she gets a taxi, sitting in a backseat
Blue jean jacket and a maxi
Actually, tired and her legs are aching
Touched the destination
Way faster than the cab driver's estimation
She put the key in the door
She, couldn't believe what she see on the floor
Some size five trainers, raging
Tears in her eyes, but it's cool 'cause they must be the neighbors
And Jason's in the bedroom fully naked
Lesley running up the stairs but she's making noise
And she can hear Jason's voice
Saying "Hide in the closet"
But he's made his choice
So, she bursts in saying "What kind of person would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?"
Jason, saying "What the fuck, you're pregnant? What the fuck?
You weren't even gonna tell me, I mean what the fuck?
What do you want from us?
Nah, you ain't in love, you just wanna love"
Lesley telling Jason, "I don't wanna love
I don't want a you and I, I don't want an us
And also, I don't wanna talk loads
One more line before I dash like Morse code"
Open the wardrobe
And Jason's on the edge
"I just wanna see if she was prettier than me, slimmer than me
Maybe your baby's similar to me
Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me, fitter than me
To satisfy you quicker than me
I got your baby in my stomach and you did this to me
What did I ever do to you for you to finish with me?
I didn't believe my girls but they were thinking of me
And give it to me, the wardrobe, give me the key"
I was pulling up the door but Jason's bigger than me
Literally, I remember viscerally
Jason pulling from behind me now he's gripping on me
White flashes, eye gashes, when he's hitting me, see
I just wanted to disappear I wasn't living for me
Physically I shut the fucking doors quick as can be
He's outside asking why I made him do what he did
Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in
I'm feeling afraid, barricaded, with a chair in the handle
I'm hearing sirens but I just wanna run away but I can't
Jason's gone by the time police are comin' they saw that ain't no one else in the house and feds are running through the door shouting "'We have reports of an argument with a woman'
There's blood all over the floor and it's splattered onto the wall
Les-ley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds
She's deep in the stress and his meter's above her head
If anything, she couldn't even say anything
But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is
So, they call an ambulance, Lesley didn't plan for this
Police are in the room tryna find the missing piece of the puzzle
Until they stumble on something that's kind of random
It's a phone in the wardrobe
They had five missed phone calls from Jason and also a couple other numbers so they thinking that it's no help
Until they play the voicemail like "Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back?
I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that
I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back
I used to be so fucking confident
But these days, I swear that-"
I don't know my self
I don't know myself no more
She felt sick to her stomach, she started panicking
Mind rattling, tryna understand what Hannah did
Battling the shame 'cause the situation embarrassing
She's tryna fathom it betrayed by her own garrison
Meanwhile, she's on the bed tryna manage this
Piercing pain in the stomach, she couldn't handle it
Now she's waiting for an ambulance
Yeah
And I know she's strong, but when I heard about what happened I was over-shocked
Her nose was gone, her jaw line shattered and rocked
They said her baby was the reason she was holding on
She dozing off, doctors getting no response
Her heart rate slowing down and they don't know what's wrong
Picked her up, got her out the home and onto the stretcher for good measures but she fading out, oh
She took damage to the brain and now she's in a coma as we speak but I ain't sure if she can make it out
You see this time that I'm taking out to tell you the story is more than a song or track
It's a message to a woman with a toxic man
I'm begging you to get support if you're lost or trapped
I understand that I can never understand and I ain't saying that it's easy but it must be right
Some of your sisters, aunties, mums or wives
Are fucked aside and they will never touch on why
I'm touched 'cause I've seen women that I love though like-
Cry little red tears through a bloodshot eye
This shit's awful, no matter what culture it isn't normal
Men try and twist it, make it seem like it's your fault
In that train full of people that you're taking
How many Lesleys are running from their Jasons?
Angel without wings
Like the day without the night to bring her peace
A song without a voice
A spark without a flame
A child without a name
Oh, it's just wrong
Like an ocean without a shore
A soldier without a war
How can we do this anymore?
A song without a voice
A spark without a flame
A child without a name
Oh, it's just wrong
Well, we've made a massive amount of progress in this last year, haven't we?
Feels like a long journey
And I must say it's been a pleasure, to watch you mature and grow in thought
And in your career and life
You've opened up immensely
I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions
But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself
So you're always welcome
I'm just happy you're at a place now where you feel you understand your emotions
And are in control
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