I can't tie my laces
I don't play the flute
My car is an automatic
I can't paint my nails
I never applaud
I'm not very good at Twister
And when my laptop crashes
I can't even press control-alt-delete
Cos I've got one hand
Hello can I speak to an emergency physician?
I have here a patient in a terrible condition
He's vomiting up blood and he'll soon need a mortician
Haematemesis
Bleurgh
Look at your skin, look at its off-white hue,
Look at your eyeballs too,
They've gone all yellow
You came to me, you thought you had the flu.
I knew that wasn't true.
You wouldn't be yellow
We took some blood off you
That's just a thing we do
To folks who turn yellow
You're yellow like the desert in damascus is
You're yellow cos your liver has metastases
Do you know you're really f**cked you know
You're really f**ked you know
I would jog and I'd start rowing,
Every day you'd see me going to the park and to the gym
I'd go drinking in the pub and every evening I'd go clubbing
If I only had some limbs
I would learn to play the trumpet
Cos just sitting on my stump it tends to make my life quite grim
I'm content but I'd be more so if I wasn't just a torso
If I only had some limbs
Oh I just sit and cry, a quadruple amputee
I just hang around all day and watch TV
But that's the life of quadrapleg-ics
I'd play cards and I'd play scrabble,
Not just spend my days imagining a life where I had shins
Cos I've never had a date, hell I can't even masturbate
Oh if I only had some limbs
How can you just walk away from here?
How rude can a doctor be?
You're the orthopaedic registrar and we've been here since 3
You're the only one that we've been waiting for
So take a look at my nan
I think she's got a broken hip
We found her in the bathroom on the floor
You know I think she must have slipped
Take a look at my nan
The casualty doctor stated
One leg is shorter than the other
And it's externally rotated
Well take a look at my nan
Don't you know how long we've waited?
And if you can't fix her, then DNR
And can we have her cremated?
I'm pushing 83 and the trust are telling me to retire
I never take a history or consent
My post-op survival rate should be higher
In fact it's only 6 per cent
We work at Denmark Hill for the terminally ill patients
But they're relatively well when they arrive
Cos I invent my own operations
And I'm the only one who leaves theatre alive
We're consultants, we're consultants at King's
We're consultants at King's
Do you feel any better?
Or do you feel the same?
We've done your operation now
And you've just yourself to blame
Now you've got 1 lung, 1 eye,
1 knee below your 1 thigh
We've removed your left hand side
And you're all right now
I get in the way
I don't know what to do or say
But I go in night and day
Vainly hoping someone will teach me
They say not today
Practice taking blood, okay
Me on take (Me on take)
Me on take (Me on take)
Me on take
Take me home
In the realm of rock 'n' roll, there are few names as iconic as Queen, and within the Queen pantheon, Brian May stands out not only as a legendary guitarist but also as an astrophysicist with a profound connection to NASA.
Hip-hop, one of the most influential cultural movements of the 20th and 21st centuries, has recently reached a significant milestone - it's turning 50 years old.
Coachella Festival 2022: here we are. In two days the doors of one of the most anticipated musical events of the year will open, even more so after the last two years in which for very obvious reasons the live music sector has suffered a very important setback.
The 2022 Grammy Awards were the chronicle of an announced triumph: Jon Baptiste collected 11 nominations and won 5 Grammys, defeating all opponents. This was also the year of the very young Olivia Rodrigo, who managed to take home 3 Grammys, including the the best new artist.
Here is finally some good news, the Arcade Fire have finally revealed the title and release date of their new album, 5 years after the last one. For the fan of the group it has been a time that seemed eternal,
Do we want to define "I know you know me" a masterpiece? Yes, without a shadow of a doubt for at least two reasons. The first and most evident are the artists who interpret it: Caroline Spence and Matt Berninger, second for the deep and poetic text.
My favorite group when I was just a teenager were the Fugees, thanks to them a certain curiosity about english language was born in me. I wanted to know and understand the lyrics of their songs, it wasn't enough for me to be carried away exclusively by their beautiful music.
Sweden and the United States are two countries far from each other, thousands of kilometers separate them, the language, culinary and sporting traditions, I don't feel so categorical about the landscapes, not knowing all of America there may be states that have the same reliefs of the country of northern Europe, but on one thing I am sure
It has been talked about for almost 3 years, rumored and it is hoped that sooner or later they will arrive at a collaboration, and now we are satisfied: the Catalan singer Rosalia and the American musician Oneohtrix finally announce the publication of a piece together!
In England there are institutions that are untouchable, first of all Queen Elizabeth II who reigns undisputed in the beating heart of every Englishman, then there are the Beatles, and that's the reason why they were awarded the title of baronets.
Looking at the images, one immediately thinks of archive photos of at least a year and a half ago. Lots of people together without masks dancing freely
How a music group can deliver strong and clear messages without singing is a mystery yet Canadians GoodSpeed You! Black Emperor they succeed very well.
"Creep" by Radiohead is certainly one of the most listened to, revisited and reinterpreted songs in the history of music. So much loved and listened to on all six continents, at least once in our life we all found ourselves humming it.
Very bad story for rapper T.I. and his wife Tiny, in fact, they have been accused of sexual abuse and kidnapping.
The malefactor managed to take Koji and Gustavo away, while Miss Asia, the third bulldog, escaped and was found shortly after by Lady Gaga's bodyguards.
David Crosby against Phoebe Bridgers, if we had been in the Middle Ages, they probably would have challenged each other with the sword, while in 2021 they decided to go wild with tweets.
Evan Rachel Wood, the beautiful protagonist of Westworld has decided to denounce the violence she has suffered for years, at least according to what she claims, by Marilyn Manson.
After some positive signs in the past months, here is the news that we weren't hoping to learn and that throws new questions on the possibility of organizing festivals and live concerts for 2021.
The winners of the 43rd edition of the Kennedy Center Honors have recently been announced, including Joan Baez, Dick Van Dyke, Debbie Allen and the violinist Midori.
The band Soundgarden recently recorded two classics with Brandie Carlile. After the death of their leader Chris Cornell, the band had decided to stop for some time also as a sign of respect for the untimely death of their front man.
New year is synonymous of news and in fact 2021 opened with a nice surprise. The American rock group, The Foo Fighters, founded in 1994 by Dave Grohl ex drummer of Nirvana, delight us with the release of a new single entitled "No son of Mine".
He was 69 and on Christmas Day, guitarist Tony Rice, Bluegrass legend, passed away. His label, Rounder Records, made the news with an official release on December 26th.
We still talk about music, but today we do it from a different point of view, taking a cue from a book, a photographic book called Ten Cities.
I was about 6 years old when I listened for the first time "Blowing in the wind" hummed by my mom while she was accompanying me to school, the version was the Italian one, but I liked the rhythm right away.
