TICK - that was the sound of a golf ball
Or if you're a ping pong enthuestaic
that was the sound of a ping pong ball
but most generally you here it tick -tick
tick tick-tick tick tick-tick tick tick-tick
That was the sound of a match between a
golfer & a ping pong enthusiast
I played golf today 18 holes I played golf Whoooo
I did pretty good too
I think you would have been very proud of me
Tick fore - tick five six seven
I don't like sports very much
there's a vast number of sports I am not involved with
there's water skiing - in order to water ski really
you should swim right
you're not gonna stay up there all the time now
and I don't like to swim really
you know swimming is to me?
staying alive when I'm in the water - barley
I'd do anything to stay afloat
Even swallow Co2 cartridges
But I didn't come out here to talk about sports
I really I came out here
Peter talks about status
I can not think of one material object
that has more status in this country
than the automobile.
And it starts at a very early age now Right
I mean now at 14 kids want the car right
they get cheaters permits so they can drive
you get a learners permit at 15 and a cheaters permit at 14
and I guess I guess it's really necessary
because you loose a lot of face calling
up a girl and asking her you can
peddle right over to pick her up
they don't really go for that anymore.
And If you look back out of all the times
I had the automobile
Aside from a few interesting Saturday evenings
You got to admit The nicest times of all
was a Sunday afternoon, if you could get the car
you come down the stairs ker-bonk ker-bonk ker-bonk ker-bonk
Mom, Dad gonna take the car Ha Haaa
beautiful day for driving think I'll go out.
Ha Haaa Haaa Ha Huuu
Then they Then they level you with that giant killer
HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOME WORK
if you were fast you'd say
mom, dad have I done my homework
whew..... out the door you'd go
pick up 3 other great pretenders
It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon
The time is now 10 o'clock in the evening
the same four guys are in the same car
well whata you wanna do
I don't know whada you wanna do
Hey we've been driving for se--van hours
Hey I've got an idea He He
Yah what's that
let's go to the drive-in restaurant
and look at the girls Hee Hee Hee
Yeh Ok
Well here we are but their all from our high school
wait a minute there's a car load over there
hee hee there's a place right next to them
let's get it
(sound of car squealing its tires to park)
don't look at em
Here's the conversation in the girls car
you never heard
Here they come
there they are
don't look at em
Remember the time when drive-ins first opened
and the girls used to come out to take your order
now you're lucky ya know if you get a girl in slacks that delivers it
I understand they're even putting in conveyer belts
in some drive-ins
but there was a time when the little girls came running out
in short little skirts remember them (whistle)
you pull in ( sound of car parking at drive-in) and a little girl would come running out (breath heavy)
may I take you're order sir
yes, but I don't believe it's on the menu Ha Ha
they don't let you flirt anymore now
they give you a little green box with a white button
and a little speaker grill (sound of beep)
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
What?
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
Oh Oh Ok
Um
We'd like one cheese burger deluxe special extra
the one the one you have out here with the little white cup
with that whatever that's in there.
we'll take it whatever it is
and ah
we'd like two hamburgers medium rare
with everything on them
and one hamburger no one hamburger
med no hamburgers
one frank and 3 Chile burgers
ok
and then we'd like
two chocolate shakes regular thick
for spoons ya know THUD!!
and we'd like two strawberry shakes
thin water em down or milk em down a little ok
cause we got somebody here with chapped lips
and they'd like
do do you understand what I mean
are you there
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
oh could you could you tell us what we have please
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
(garbled up words are heard from speaker)
and four six packs
We'll take it
and after you get your food order in
you got at least 40 minutes to wait
even if it's a cup of coffee
you got 40 minutes to wait
and you can not get out of your car right
remember there was a time when drive-ins first opened
you used to pull in get out exchange hello's and greetings (kiss sound)
evidently some people were getting out and exchanging
something a little heavier than hello's and greetings
so they have policemen there to keep you in your car
you can be 47 years old and drop your credit cards on the ground
officer that's my wall... I don't care who you are get back in the car
if you do get out you gotta be very careful cause the new restaurants
have radar now
so ya so ya have crawl on your belly between the cars
you get over to the side of the car
(breath heavy)
PsssssT (sound of knocking on the window) PsssssT down here
I can't come up they'll spot me
(sound of knocking on the window)
put down your window
(sound of window moving down)
Wheeew
power windows ha whew
this is a pretty fancy car
hey your a pretty fancy broad
(sound of window moving up)
(sound of knocking on the window)
(sound of knocking on the window)
(sound of car pulling out)
If you did manage to get out of the drive-in restaurant
without being named
there was a sporting event taking place
at the traffic light remember
it involved two characters
Mr. business man
who drove a 4 door family Sudan
black wall tires automatic transmission
seated next to him in a
1941 gray primer coated ford
with it's rear end 2 inches off the ground
tomato cans for mufflers
with his back to the driver windows
left are draped over the steering wheel
right hand griped on the gear shift lever
a sneer on his lips
sat THE KID
( sound of a car revving its engine)
well Mr. business man has just had his bands tightened
ya see and
those of you who aren't quite sure what I mean
by having your bands tightened
the bands are the rings in an automatic transmission
which actually effect the gear change
Uhha
I'll give I'll give you an example
this is an automobile with tight bands
(sound of car revving it's engine & changing gear with no problems)
this is an automobile with loose bands
(sound of car revving it's engine & changing gear with all kinds of problems)
well Mr. business man has just had his bands tightened ya see
and he thinks he will show THE KID a thing or two
meanwhile THE KID
( sound of a car revving its engine)
has inched his two fingers up over his left arm
this is the universal sign language among teenagers
for dragging.
you probably recall Winston Churchill during the war years
which everybody assumed meant V for Victory ya see
actually if you also recall Winston Churchill smokes a cigar right
he used to hold it in here right
and occasionally he would turn to his friends on the stage
and say Wanna drag
ya see and the kids picked it up
thee a light changes Ho Ho Ho
thee a light changes to amber an Mr. business man
decides to get very daring.
he pulls the automatic transmission down into low (plunk)
he puts one foot on the break (squeak)
still holding his foot on the break
in ord
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